It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

As I write this I am sat at work, it is 10.30pm.

I am listening to a man test the PA system in the museum.

He is counting.

He just got to 47 then decided to start again, I wonder why, maybe he is afraid of 48, maybe it's his next birthday.

I was born in January, a truly pitiful time of year. Next year however I say farewell to winter depression, hello Summertime celebration.

Yes I moved my birthday, now I won't get older until July which reduces my real age by 6 months (not the reason I did it but a nice bonus).

In reality someone I love died the day before my birthday and it just made the whole thing a little too sad.

Most friends still think I'm joking, others feel I'm an imposter (they have real summer birthdays and treat me like I don't belong).

Some other January birthday folk are a bit jealous and want to join me but don't want to appear insane....

Message to them: Come on in, the waters warm!

Today's happiness: Talking about getting a siamese kitten.

So what DID you do at the weekend?

Someone asked me what the highlight of my year was earlier.

My brain went blank, like when someone asks you on a Monday what you did over the weekend, and you're like 'crap, it was only one sleep ago....'

So I had a think.

Top of the list will be my trip to Cambodia, closely followed by my trip to the BAFTA's, then there was starting a new job, discovering Phoenix, making some new friends, facing my 2 biggest fears (and surviving) and finally staying up til 5am in Austria with some northern lads.

Happy memories.

There were some low points too - saying goodbye to my last house mate, not going to the US for the first time in 4 years, losing a relative and oh yeah....that new job...

So roll on 2010, roll on being 35, roll on the opening of my new exhibition, roll on getting a new job in the summer, roll on trip to New York, roll on deoderant.


Today's Happiness - Having a fully stocked fridge. Let the noms begin.

Are you a Sabbatarian?

I heard the inspirational Rob Bell talking about the Sabbath yesterday and how to keep it.

Sundays to me are in no way a Sabbath, with the many church activities people get involved in it's often the busiest day of the weekend.

So here are some things which might help make a new Sabbath somewhere in your week, 2 are stops, 2 are starts, to me No.4 is the most important if you can't manage the rest:

1. Turn off your mobile, don't pick up messages or return calls. I guess the same goes for texts, email, Twitter, Facebook etc. Does this make you feel like a nobody?
   
   
2. Think of the one thing that you 'couldn't live without' and drop it. Or at least attempt to. For some people this will be covered in point no.1. For some this may be television, computer games, alcohol.
   
   
3. Try and find God in the ordinary. Rob's challenge was that if you don't find God in the ordinary you ain't gonna find him in the mountain top experience.
   
   
4. Do something that makes you feel alive. My thinking is that when we do these things we begin to worship God with everything we have. For me these activities would include getting out in nature (twitching), watching the sunset, playing the guitar, writing....
   When I do things I really love my heart literally feels like it will explode from my chest.
   
   

Today is bank holiday Monday and is my first proper Sabbath, long may it continue.

P.S. - Today's happiness ... starting a new book which feels like it was written for me.

I-SPY with my curly eye

A few weeks ago I received this in the post:


At first I thought it had been delivered to me by mistake but then I discovered that Big Chief I-SPY had sent it to me.....and so my I-SPY game began.

I have a few points already thanks to my recent building project in Cambodia and a cement mixer parked outside my flat.

In my family we always start the I-SPY game off by saying "I spy with my curly eye".

This silliness originates from a game of 'Guess Who' I was playing with my siblings many years ago. The game is a process of elimination, 'Does your person have glasses?' etc.

My little brother got a bit confused and asked 'Does he have a curly eye?'

Aw, bless.

Today's Happiness: Finally writing those thank you cards.

Things I have learnt

I'm just back from my trip to Cambodia. Here are some thing I didn't know previously but do now.

1. It takes the average Jo 4 days to become absolutely sick of eating boiled rice.

2. Boiled eggs are not always what they seem.

3. Cambodians don't kiss on the lips, only the cheek.

Ok, these are silly but I'll do a proper post of the trip on the travel blog when I get around to it...

Today's happiness: Planning fun things to do for the Easter weekend.

40 days and 40 nights

Lent has begun. And I didn't even get any pancakes yet.

The Christian celebration of Lent marks Jesus' 40 days in the desert being tempted by Satan. It is a time when we do a number of things, give something up, take something up and spend the time you would have spent on the thing you gave up with God. Ok, everyone does it differently but this is the general idea.

Truth be told I know I should give up TV but I've just started season 1 of The Wire.

Today's Happiness: making 2 new friends on the train.

Comfort Zone - Part 2

Here's a subject so far out of my comfort zone I don't even like talking about it as it makes me feel ill.

P*bl*c Sp*@king.

This is a theraputic post.

I know I'm not alone in this but I also know I suffer worse than anyone else I know, except maybe one person who shall remain nameless.

P.S. (Public Speaking) = feeling sick from the moment I think I may have to do it to the day after I've done it.

P.S. = Wanting to quit my job or take a pill that puts me to sleep forever so I never have to face tomorrow.

Last week I did some P.S.ing. It felt unavoidable. I think God is clever about how he moves us though our fears. I was given the option of doing a talk about my trip to Cambodia with the hope of raising money for the project. Basically I would have felt ashamed if I had not taken the opportunity because I was a scaredy pants.

So I did it, there were about 100 people, I hated every minute of it and sounded like a strangled cat. BUT I raised plenty of money and awareness for the cause - worthy of the stress I thought.

Today I get an email from someone who mentioned they have booked me in for 2 more sessions! Oh my goodness. So now I'm back to square one again...and I said yes because let's face it, life's too short and maybe it won't be so bad next time.